This was originally posted February 11, 2009, but I thought it was so helpful I decided to edit it a bit and post it again this year for those of you who missed it.
Then, I came up with a great idea - why not speak my husband's love language?
Unless you've read the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman, you're probably wondering what in the world I am talking about. Christian or not, I highly recommend reading the book. In it, Gary Chapman highlights five different love languages - in other words, five different ways people express (and best receive) love. You can be a mix of more than one language, but usually, you have a dominant love language. The five love languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Acts of Service
5. Physical Touch
In the back of the book, there is a profile for men and a profile to fill out to help determine your love language. Now, you can go online and take one of the assessments; one takes 30 seconds, the other takes 10-15 minutes. Obviously, the longer survey is more in-depth, and will give you the most accurate results.
My love language is words of affirmation. I interpret showing love as verbally expressing it, so also tend to show others love in the same way. My husband's love language, however, is acts of service. He knows I love him because I do things for him, like cooking dinner and cleaning up the house. Writing him love notes doesn't do for him what it does for me. See the difference?
Once your figure out your spouse's love language, you can more effectively express your love for them on Valentine's Day (and always!) Here are a few ways to speak your spouse's love language.
If your spouse's language is...
Words of Affirmation - Your spouse loves for you to verbalize your feelings for him/her. Consider writing an expressive love note, or just sitting down and telling them how you feel for them. Don't worry if what you say is something you have said before - they just love hearing it all over again. Those with words of affirmation as a love language never tire of hearing "I love you."
Quality Time - Your spouse appreciates when you set aside some uninterrupted time for the two of you. Consider taking him/her away for the night. You can easily find an inexpensive bed and breakfast or hotel to stay in. If that's not possible, set up a room for the two of you. Decorate the bedroom or living room with candles and music and prepare to sit and relax together. If you're spouse isn't the 'romantic' type, plan something they love to do - go bowling, walking, or just cuddle up on the couch with some snacks. The important thing is to make sure nothing is distracting you. Giving your spouse your undivided attention is essential to quality time.
Receiving Gifts - Your spouse feels most loved when you bring them tokens of your appreciation. Choose a thoughtful gift to purchase. Even better, make something yourself! It's cheaper and more meaningful. For the person whose love language is receiving gifts, the price of the gift won't matter so much as the thought and time put into it.
Acts of Service - Your spouse feels loved when you do things for him/her. Is there something specific you know your spouse likes you to do? Make sure the house is clean for them. Cook them their favorite meal, and maybe bake some cookies. Start working on a project they haven't had the chance to start, and put a sign on it that says "to (spouse's name) with love" (That suggestion came straight from the book, but for someone whose spouse's language is acts of service, it's such a great idea!)
Physical Touch - Your spouse feels most loved when you physically touch them. Remind them how much you love them by holding their hand next time you go out somewhere. Make a romantic dinner even better by taking their hand or rubbing their feet with yours. Give a massage, and don't worry if you don't have experience - they just love feeling close to you.
Some of these suggestions may sound silly to you, especially if they are not your love language. It is difficult to learn to speak another love language. Your language is what you feel most comfortable with, and sometimes it's difficult to understand someone else's. I am not expecting that you necessarily use my ideas, I just wanted to give you a jumping off point to come up with ideas of your own. Get creative, and remember to 'speak' their love language instead of your own.
Once your figure out your spouse's love language, you can more effectively express your love for them on Valentine's Day (and always!) Here are a few ways to speak your spouse's love language.
If your spouse's language is...
Words of Affirmation - Your spouse loves for you to verbalize your feelings for him/her. Consider writing an expressive love note, or just sitting down and telling them how you feel for them. Don't worry if what you say is something you have said before - they just love hearing it all over again. Those with words of affirmation as a love language never tire of hearing "I love you."
Quality Time - Your spouse appreciates when you set aside some uninterrupted time for the two of you. Consider taking him/her away for the night. You can easily find an inexpensive bed and breakfast or hotel to stay in. If that's not possible, set up a room for the two of you. Decorate the bedroom or living room with candles and music and prepare to sit and relax together. If you're spouse isn't the 'romantic' type, plan something they love to do - go bowling, walking, or just cuddle up on the couch with some snacks. The important thing is to make sure nothing is distracting you. Giving your spouse your undivided attention is essential to quality time.
Receiving Gifts - Your spouse feels most loved when you bring them tokens of your appreciation. Choose a thoughtful gift to purchase. Even better, make something yourself! It's cheaper and more meaningful. For the person whose love language is receiving gifts, the price of the gift won't matter so much as the thought and time put into it.
Acts of Service - Your spouse feels loved when you do things for him/her. Is there something specific you know your spouse likes you to do? Make sure the house is clean for them. Cook them their favorite meal, and maybe bake some cookies. Start working on a project they haven't had the chance to start, and put a sign on it that says "to (spouse's name) with love" (That suggestion came straight from the book, but for someone whose spouse's language is acts of service, it's such a great idea!)
Physical Touch - Your spouse feels most loved when you physically touch them. Remind them how much you love them by holding their hand next time you go out somewhere. Make a romantic dinner even better by taking their hand or rubbing their feet with yours. Give a massage, and don't worry if you don't have experience - they just love feeling close to you.
Some of these suggestions may sound silly to you, especially if they are not your love language. It is difficult to learn to speak another love language. Your language is what you feel most comfortable with, and sometimes it's difficult to understand someone else's. I am not expecting that you necessarily use my ideas, I just wanted to give you a jumping off point to come up with ideas of your own. Get creative, and remember to 'speak' their love language instead of your own.
2 comments:
Great Idea!! I love it. I'm currently reading the Five Love Languages of Children. I think I'll incorporate this idea into VAlentine's for my kids too!
Great idea Amy! I have the book also, but haven't read it yet. :)
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